


Draw the shutter fire

by Northoftheroad



Series: Bat dialogues [10]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northoftheroad/pseuds/Northoftheroad
Summary: Bat-dialogue written for the DickandDamiweek 2019. Theme: Paparazzi.Disclaimer: I own truckloads of Batman comics but no characters. Crossposted at fanfiction.net





	Draw the shutter fire

”Father. Can’t we get into that place some other way? I do not wish to parade myself in front of a herd of imbecile photographers.”

”Hmh.”

”Come on Damian, the worst that can happen is that a photo you don’t like gets published on some news site.”

”I am the true Wayne heir! It is beneath me to be depicted in frivolous settings!”

”… Gosh, Bruce, you’d better hope Damian never gets his hands on Alfred’s scrapbook from when we were young. He’s never going to let you live that down…”

”… Father? What is Richard talking about?”

”… Hn…”

”...?”

”...”

”… I will bring the subject up with Pennyworth later…”

”You do that. Now, are you ready to get out of the car?”

”Tt. I fail to see the point of us being here. Why can’t we return to the Manor?”

”The point is that billionaire socialite Bruce Wayne – unless it’s trillionaire by now, Bruce? – needs to be seen socialising now and then, to keep his cover.”

”It would be preferable if you chose a more dignified way to fool the public, Father. And somewhere less exposed, since you cannot properly defend yourself in this guise.”

”Damian… It’s the opening night of the latest Hollywood blockbuster. What can possibly be ominous about that?”

”Tt. It would be exceedingly easy for an assassin to hide among those… vultures.”

”Wow. Sometimes I forget that paranoia is hereditary.”

”At least one person in a duo has to assess all the potential risks, Richard. You are lucky that you have had Father and me looking out for you, all these years.”

”And this coming from a kid who tried to subdue a walking radiation leak dressed in hand-me-downs.”

”…Tt.”

”So, are you two Wayne sweet-talkers ready to get out on the red carpet – before we get a parking ticket?”

”…”

”…”

”O-kay. Right. I guess I can take one for the team and give the paparazzi a show, so you two can sneak past them behind my back. Just give me a minute to get started…”

”Mmh.”

”… What are you going to do, Richard?”

”I’ll give them a few big smiles and stay and talk to them, and see what works out. Perhaps I can even pick up a lovely date on the way in; that’s a sure way to get the shutters clicking, right Bruce?”

”Hm.”

”What do you mean?”

”Oh, I’ve definitely learned from the best about how to put on a playboy act, Damian. Have a look on Youtube if you don’t believe me. There’s one video of Brucie with almost a million views, last time I checked.”

”Father…”

”Hh.”

”You know, I see a pair of Gotham debutants getting out of a car over there. I’ll try my luck with them; that should keep the photographers busy enough for a while.”

”Father! I demand that you put a stop this!”

”Come on, kiddo, do you want me to create a distraction for you, or not?”

”… I am merely looking out for your best interest. Since you are incapable of taking care of yourself!”

”… Don’t tell me you think the Miller twins are League assassins in disguise…?”

”Don’t play the fool, Richard. If they think they can get their hands on a Wayne, they will not leave your alone once we are safely inside.”

”Why, Damian, that’s so sweet! You actually called me a Wayne.”

”… Wayne money, obviously…”

”And I love you too, little brother!”

”Tt. Father, you will not permit Richard to make a fool of himself!”

”Mh-hmm. Damian, get out. We’re going in.”

”Great, I suppose we’ll meet the paparazzi together, after all. Come on, Damian. How about holding your big brother’s hand? So I can’t get into any trouble on the way…?”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know more about playboy Batman (as in how many women he’s dated over the years), don't hesitate to check out:
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> [https://northoftheroad.tumblr.com/post/180134613325/playboy-batman](http://https://northoftheroad.tumblr.com/post/180134613325/playboy-batman)
> 
>  
> 
>  


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